10 Tips to help you become a self liker rather than a self loather

love yourselfDon’t be afraid to confront your failings. Being aware of limitations can give you options to either change them or learn to live with them, they are part of who you are, what makes you an individual, and others may love you for them.

  1. Spend time to enjoy your accomplishments – When you’ve done something well, don’t be afraid to admit that you succeeded, and enjoy the moment. It doesn’t have to be something earth-shattering: Having cooked a good meal, eat it with pleasure and allow any compliments from those you cooked for to sink in.

  2. Look at yourself in the mirror and look for the things you do like about yourself. Perhaps your make up isn’t perfect and that spot on your chin is obvious. But what about the great job you did on your hair? Look at your lovely smile and the change it makes as it lights up your face. If all else fails, find a mirror with better lighting.

  3. Aim to be a better person, but don’t expect changes to happen all at once. You might be completely unhappy with your weight and can’t stand the thought that the pounds aren’t melting off faster. Give yourself a realistic timeline and measure yourself against smaller, achievable goals, or research what skills you may need to change and plan to learn them.

  4. Spend a weekend day or evening without worrying about how you look. Try a make up free Sunday or a grubby t-shirt Tuesday night. See what it’s like to be yourself without being concerned about impressing anyone else. Relax and enjoy just being you

  5. Thinking about the past is ok, but don’t let yourself be overwhelmed with regret. You might wish like anything that you could turn back the clock and not have said the hurtful thing you said to your friend. Once you’ve uttered those words, though, you can’t unsay them. However, you may have learned something useful about yourself in the process and certainly can make every effort to apologize or make amends. Avoiding regrets is impossible it is how you choose to deal with them that improves self love.

  6. Understand that no one is perfect. When you’re in a place of low self-love, you believe that everyone is better than you. It’s possible that others are better than you in certain ways, but that doesn’t mean you’re any less of a person yourself, and are probably skilled in something they would struggle with. So instead of comparing yourself negatively, accept that fact, and then see if you can learn from it. Being an individual is better than being a clone of someone else, and if you admire something in others then you can use the opportunity to acquire that skill yourself. Mistakes happen, learn from them then let them go.

  7. Enjoy your personality, foibles and all. So perhaps you’re a little bit too meticulous and want everything to be perfect. If however, things don’t work out as you wish and you start to berate yourself for your weaknesses, stop and do a reality check. So you spilled coffee all over your brand-new tablecloth. OK, maybe you’re a bit clumsy. That doesn’t mean you’re worthless. Find a way to use your quirks to your advantage instead.

  8. Like “most” of yourself as much as you can. You’re may not reach 100% self-satisfaction, but maybe you can get to 75 or 80%. You may feel as if you are not good enough, but others may be looking at you and wishing they were you.

  9. Stop listening to the ‘negative ninny’ or internal voice. If you had a friend who was so negative about you, would you keep them around? Be kinder to yourself and let the self critic learn to be quiet.

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What does a hypnotherapist/personal development coach do?

As a Therapist I am often asked what it is that I actually do with clients, I have given a lot of thought to how I should reply and thought I would share with my FB followers and new Friends what I do.

I help you get rid of the things that hold you back and stop you being you

I help you to understand past events and use them to make you stronger.

I help you feel stronger and more resourceful.

I help you to change your thinking to get better results.

I help you change your behaviour to achieve your goals.

I aim to educate as knowledge is power.

I help you to change your perceptions grab opportunities and see life differently.

I help you make great things happen.

I help you to make your future better.

I help you to be happy, to be the best you that you can be.

I help you to take back control of your life

I help you to love yourself, be confident and enjoy being you.

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HOW DO I DO IT?

I guide you using all the tools I have available, hypnotherapy, NLP, personal development coaching and education. It can be both challenging and fun

I enable you by direct and indirect messages to let go of the negative, unhelpful mind talk and make changes you want to improve your life, relationships, and happiness.

WHAT CAN YOU DO?

It you are ready for an exhilarating and challenging change to get what you want from life then contact me for an appointment for your complementary consultation to find out more.

07900 352324

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MARATHON – Are You a Tortoise or a Hare?

tortoise and the hareWhen I was watching the London Marathon, it occurred to me that, whilst watching the focussed and very fit elite runners, and then the fun runners in their colourful costumes all raising money for good causes or running in memory of a loved one, that this whole field of people was very much a metaphor for life, and raises the question “are you a tortoise or a hare…?”

Are you a hare rushing through life with no plan or sense of purpose, just ignoring or feeling unresourseful when obstacles get in your way? ….. or are you a tortoise, slowly plodding along problem solving along the route and eventually getting to your target….?

Both of these characters have their good and bad points, the hare leading a carefree life embracing challenges and moving on whether the outcome be good or bad.  The tortoise thoughtful and reliable planning their next move carefully, however sometimes this leads to worrying about the next move so much that you plan for so long nothing ever happens.

There is nothing ultimately bad to be said about being a hare, just enjoying life and having a bit of impulsiveness can be good for you.   However, would the Hare manage the course and finish with a sense of satisfaction, or would he just rush on to the next thing without being able to celebrate success?    The story ended with the tortoise winning, so the tortoise has his good points too.  Planning for where you want to be in life and perhaps using the time to problem solve along the way may give the better result in the long run.

Perhaps in order to enjoy a balanced life we need to be a bit of both, like the runners in their costumes, having fun, dressed up and laughing, but with a sense of purpose and planning, they have a time target in mind and they intend to finish the course to raise as much funds as they can.  They did not just get up on Marathon day and decide to run, they had to choose to do so 12 months before, planning their training and getting sponsors for their good cause.   How many times during their training have they ‘hit the wall’ and felt as if they could not carry on, but with their target/outcome (running the race and finishing) in mind they (like the tortoise) plodded on until they could do the distance and achieve their target.  So much of their run involved planning target distances, diet, taking part in shorter runs, in order that on the day of the London Marathon they would be able to put on their costume do the distance in the best time for them and just enjoy the atmosphere, feeling the support of  the crowds, and having fun (like the hare).

At some points in our life, and perhaps the Spring is a good time, we need to review where we are and where we want to be in 12 months.  If things are as we want them, can we make them even better?  If you find however that you are not where you want to be then how can you change.  Obviously what you are doing is not working, so how do you get what you want?

Perhaps like the marathon runner (or tortoise), you could plan specific, achievable, targets in order to get to your ultimate goal, or what you want and deserve from your life.  This plan may involve the longer haul, but unless you start to make those changes NOW, things will not change.  So get yourself a pen and paper NOW and ask yourself the following questions:-

Am I happy with my life/relationship?

  1. How can I improve things?
  2. What is the first thing that I could do to start that change now?
  3. and the next….? and the next……?

Write down the first 4 or 5 actions you could take.  It may be investigating enrolling on a course to re-train, or perhaps sitting down and talking to a partner, but there is something YOU CAN DO NOW to make changes for the better.

If you find that you are finding excuses not to change, “I can’t do it”…. “I am not smart/brave enough” then ask yourself why you are already making excuses for failure?  Perhaps talking to a coach or mentor would help you to move past these excuses, but you may find that just questioning your own excuses and why you make them would start to shift your focus and move you towards the future you want.  So why not be a Hare and START RIGHT NOW, this is not the time to be a tortoise and plod along, change only starts when you start to make it.  Get the life you want and deserve by asking yourself what you need to do to get it.  Then you can become the Tortoise and plan your moves one step at a time using both in order to achieve success.

If I can help you to move yourself towards the future (or present) that you want/deserve then give me a call and arrange your FREE consultation to discuss this further

07900 352324

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Tips to help deal with Stress

Here are a further Four quick tips to help deal with time management and de-stress your life

Focus on results

Good time management at work means doing high-quality work, not high quantity.

Spending more time on something doesn’t necessarily achieve more. Staying an extra hour at work at the end of the day may not be the most effective way to manage your time

Have a lunch break

Lots of people work through their lunch break, but this can be counter-productive. As a general rule, taking at least 30 minutes away from your desk will help you to be more effective in the afternoon.

Go for a walk outdoors or, better still, do some exercise, You’ll come back to your desk re-energised, with a new set of eyes and renewed focus.

Planning your day with a midday break will also help you to break up your work into more manageable chunks.

Prioritise important tasks

Tasks can be grouped into four categories:

urgent and important
not urgent but important
urgent but not important
neither urgent nor important

People with good time management concentrate on “not urgent but important” activities. That way they lower the chances of activities ever becoming “urgent and important.

The aim is to learn how to become better at reducing the number of urgent and important tasks. Having to deal with too many urgent tasks can be stressful.

Practise the ‘four Ds’

One study found that one in three office workers suffers from email stress. Making a decision the first time you open an email is crucial for good time management.

So start practising the “four Ds”:

relax to stress arrow.

 

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Mind Reading and Anxiety

Do you think mind-readingNo-one likes me

or They think I am stupid

or They are not listening to me

or Why don’t they care how I feel

or Why don’t they know I need this

Do you find that you are sitting outside the crowd looking in, or isolating yourself more and more from friends and family because they don’t understand you?

If this sounds like you then it is more likely that you have a ‘super power‘ called Mind Reading – or assuming you know what other people think with absolutely no evidence. What you are actually doing however, is only giving vague hints to how you are feeling which can easily be missed by others.

In fact what you are doing is reflecting your own negative thoughts about yourself onto others, and then convincing yourself that it must be true.

So guess what YOU DON’T HAVE SUPER POWERS AND NEITHER DO THE OTHER PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE

The real truth is that most people are so preoccupied with their own thoughts and feelings that unless you are clear in your needs they can miss that you need their help.

This mind reading behaviour is the cause of a lot of unnecessary anxiety and misunderstanding in life.

How can you stop this behaviour? Here are my 3 top tips

  1. Be aware that you are mind reading, and ask yourself have you/they actually said this clearly

  2. Ask yourself ‘do they mind read?‘ and if the answer is no (which of course it is), then have you made your feelings or needs clear to them

  3. DONT ASSUME that they already know, or that you are right in your negative thoughts as this is usually not the case. Have a conversation and be clear.

If you recognise yourself and need further help and guidance on stopping the negative or anxious over imaginative voice in your head, then stop assuming I know you are there and give me a call to arrange your first appointment to a more positive life

07900 352324

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How to deal with stress – Tip 4

Easy Time Management Tips

Tip 4 Make a list

To-do lists are a good way to stay organised. Try it and see what works best for you.

Keeping a list will help you work out your priorities and timings. It can help you put off the non-urgent tasks.

Make sure you keep your list somewhere accessible. If you always have your phone, for example, keep it on your phone.

It is also very therapeutic to tick or cross items off your list, it demonstrates that you are achieving goals and moving forward and can help with the feeling of overwhelm and anxiety by showing that you are in control.tip of the day

Make sure that the list is full of achievable goals, you may want to become a brain surgeon or astronaut but you need to identify the steps to lead you towards this goal and achieve those first.

Choosing to take back control and not let overwhelm or anxiety control you could be the first item on your list

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How to Deal with Stress – Tip 3

Easy time-management tips

If you never seem to have enough time, better time management will help you regain control of your days.

Whether it’s in your job or your lifestyle as a whole, learning how to manage your time effectively will help you feel more relaxed, focused and in control.

The aim of good time management is to achieve the lifestyle balance you want,

TIP 3 Work out your goals

Work out who you want to be, your priorities in life, and what you want to achieve in your career or personal life. That is then the guiding principle for how you spend your time and how you manage it.

Once you have worked out the big picture, you can then work out some short-term and medium-term goals. Knowing your goals will help you plan better and focus on the things that will help you achieve those goals.  Write these goals down to keep you focussed and make sensible and achievable steps to move to forward towards your achieved goal.quick tip logo

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